the truth about emotions

They say something shifts when you meditate. That over time, a gap opens up on the inside. A space between our thoughts or feelings, and that which we identify as our true selves, our essence, our inner being. We are *not* what we think or what we feel, as overwhelming as those things might be.

With even a little bit of meditation, this has been true for me. Which then got me thinking about emotions in general. Which then got me researching the various takes on emotions from the fields of psychology, religion and alternative therapies.

Here’s the top three that have in some way taken root (disclaimer: I’m regurgitating what I took away - links to the originals are below)

Our emotions are not actually *us*

We grow up learning our own ways of dealing with the world. Maybe mother wasn’t always available, so we oscillate between wanting security and punishing those who we’d like to trust but can’t. Or perhaps we grew up with a parent who valued the way our family looked to others as opposed to how we felt on the inside - and so we grew up missing an inner sense of acceptance.

Whatever it is, the takeaway is that our emotions are informed by these learned ways of interpreting the world - and so feel very, very real.

The catch is that just because they *feel* overwhelming, immediate and at times all consuming - in truth they are a result of all the things we have learned up til now - and therefore are not “us” at all.

For more:
Richard Rohr - Emotional Sobriety


Emotions are Universal

We live in an age where individuality is worshipped, and many of us (me included)  have lost the opportunity or ability to live in true community where problems, feelings and experiences are shared.

As a result, it can often feel like we are the ONLY ones who can truly understand what we are feeling in any given moment. Depression is particularly gnarly on this front. When we feel it, it seems so isolating. Even though our logical brain knows other people have depression, there’s never been any depression quite like ours.

Here’s a wonderfully connecting reality check: emotions are universal. All of humanity experiences them.

That’s not to negate the individual experience of an emotion, the role of culture in how they express themselves, nor the power of how they feel in the moment. But there’s something quite liberating to remember that we are all made of the same stuff. And other people have both gone there, and come out the other side.

For more:
Are Emotions Universal - Rick Nauert PhD

Nothing Stays the Same

On one level this is a really easy concept to accept. Everything has a life cycle, which is constantly changing. We are born, we grow, we decay, we die.

But take it one step further, and it’s one of the most anxiety-busting concepts out there.

Buddhism proposes a concept which on the face of it can seem quite confronting - but which is actually super liberating. It suggests that while human beings are prone to trying to avoid the ‘bad’ stuff that happens in life, and are constantly trying to ‘get through the rough patch’ in order to experience happiness again… life is in fact one endless cycle of ups and downs. We can never escape it, nor should we try.

The glory here is that we can accept it, and focus on building a resilience that welcomes the good and the bad.

In that vein, emotions are also constantly changing. Within the space of a minute you can go from annoyance to love, from anger to excitement. Whatever you’re feeling right now won’t last… good or bad. And that’s that best news of all.

For more:
The Reluctant Buddhist - William Woollard